We're done for now.
We'd be clear to Barker Pass by now...
...if you hadn't brought that preacher's daughter.
Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Yeah.
Looking for these, boys?
What the...?
For last night.
For this morning.
Next time, don't undercook the yolks.
And cut!
- Are you okay? - Do I get extra pay for that?
Back to one, everybody.
- Get the hell off of him. - Oh, shit!
- Burr, come on. Burr! - You have no fucking idea...
- Get the fuck out of here! - Burr!
Go on!
Don't come back!
- What are you doing? - None of your business.
It is absolutely my business.
What if that kid talks, huh? Do you ever think of that?
What if he goes to The Star and says Rod Sebring is an ass bandit?
No. No, Ben wouldn't do that.
- Ben wouldn't do that? - No, he wouldn't.
You don't know that.
And I have too much riding on this picture.
Burr. Burr!
KCRY, Mojave-Antelope Valley at 88. 1, and KCRU, Oxnard-Ventura at...
Oh, my God.
God, don't freak. It's Sunday. We can get up late.
Alice, it's Monday.
No. No, it's Sunday.
Think about it. Yesterday we got brunch delivered.
The night before, we watched Saturday Night Live.
Right. Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God. I have my KCRW thing tomorrow.
I haven't come up with a single idea. I'm totally fucking up.
Oh, God.
What will I do for my audition?
A once-a-week, three-minute culture spot.
Great. I need fucking ideas.
People who ruin their lives because they can't stop having sex?
- Okay, that's really not helping. - Sorry.
You're not the only one who's blown off things to stay in bed for five days.
- I should be training. - You should always be training, so...
All right, look.
- I'm gonna make us some coffee, okay? - Okay.
Okay.
- Work. Okay. Get to work. - Okay, okay.
- Hey. - Hi.
I got you a tea.
I wasn't sure what else you were eating these days, but...
Thank you. That's nice.
I spoke to Dan Foxworthy this morning.
I was thinking about going back to therapy.
Oh, I don't know about therapy. I think we should just focus on the baby.
Oh, no, not for us. I was thinking about going to see him myself.
That's great. That's really great.
- It'll be good for you. - Yeah.
- Can I just say one thing? - You can say anything you want.
No, I can't. I mean, you've made it clear that you don't exactly wanna hear...
...what I have to say right now, and that's fine, but I...
I never got to say how happy I am for you.
For us.
I'm glad you're happy. It should be your happiness too.
Let's...
...just focus on being really good parents.
It'll be a new kind of partnership for us.
Yeah.
My teacher, Charlotte Birch, is pushing me...
...and I'm really freaked out because she's intimating...
...there's some kind of mysterious challenge in all this for me.
Okay, well, can I tell you what I think about Charlotte?
- I think... - What?
- You have a crush on her. - No, I don't.
I think you do, and I think it's totally okay...
...and I think that you are allowed to have a crush on your teacher.
And you know what? I think you should go for it.
- Totally go for it. - Fuck you.
What?
You want me to be jealous?
Well, if you think about fucking her, I will kill you.
My next sonogram is Wednesday the seventh at 10 a.m.
Well, I'd love to be there. I mean, if that's okay with you.
I'd really like to see the baby.
How exciting.
You ready to go?
The agent has four listings lined up for us.
- We're real estate hunting. - Real estate hunting?
Oh, Helena wants to rent a house in L.A.
The Chateau Marmont is getting so tedious.
I can't walk through the lobby without being offered to do blow...
...or finance four independent films starring Maggie Gyllenhaal.
All totally unsolicited, I'm sure.
Totally.
I'll see you on the seventh, okay?
- I'll call you. - Okay.
Look, the thing about reality is it's gonna draw the audience in.
Right.
Basically, I need pussy that we can smell and taste.
- Absolutely. - Right. Of course.
I mean, the thing about this film, though...
...is it's got that, but it's got more.
It's fascinating. I mean, we're giving people access...
...to a world that they've never seen before, you know?
It's like journalists who infiltrate mosques.
- It's witness... - Why aren't you showing me footage?
I mean, usually I don't write checks sight unseen.
I completely understand.
I just need a little more time. I mean, this isn't scripted, so...
Something's happening that's real, but we can't force...
We'll cut you something together, Eric...
...and it will be dripping with hot lesbian pussy. Won't it, dude?
Yeah, yeah.
I'll work on cutting something together.
You can show yourselves out.
- Great. Well, thank you. - Yeah, thanks.
Did you see the movie Hannibal? Freddy Vs. Jason?
Please, you don't honestly think...
...that regaling me with a list of the owner's mediocre movies...
...is really gonna influence whether I rent this property or not?
May I see the specs, please?
I think I'm gonna go take a look around.
Okay.
But don't go too far.
So I'm assuming the tenant will move out of the guesthouse...
...if I decide to rent this behemoth.
Now, why don't you tell me about the household staff...
...that come along with this property.
Okay, listen to this.
"Walking through Fred Segal earlier this week...
...l could sense all was not right in the world of consumerism.
Something's wrong."
- You said that. - What?
Well, you said, "All was not right." Then you said, "Something's wrong."
Just... it seems redundant.
- Okay. May I? - Yeah. Oh, yes.
"There's an invasion underway.
Our troops are in lraq, in Afghanistan, and we are here, shopping."
What are you doing to your voice?
It's my radio-commentator voice. You have to have one.
- Can I continue? - Yeah, sorry.
Thank you.
Okay.
" Is the main mission of our troops the protection of our way of life?
And is our way of life defined by consumerism?
Are women and men dying in lraq...
...so that back home, we can shop till we drop?"
ls "consumerism" the right word?
Well, it's a little vulgar...
...but it's amusing.
Could you live like this?
Why don't we find out?
- Hey. - What are you doing?
Well, I couldn't be expected to rent a property like this...
...without seeing if it's conducive...
...to this, eh?
Could you live like this?
Helena, did you see the matching his-and-hers walk-in closets?
Or should I say, " hers-and-hers"?
Shane.
- Hey. - Hey.
You're alive.
I haven't seen you around. How have you been?
Good. How's...?
Oh, it's better. Thank you.
- I've been worried about it. - Thanks.
- So where are you off to? - Work.
Hair job or Veronica Bloom job?
The hair job. it's a day call.
- Well, have a good one. - You too.
Okay, who would mak e out with a guy for a million dollars?
Most of this stuff is just crap, man.
They're not doing nothing but talking.
Sometimes they eat.
What do you think, lesbians just fuck all the time?
Obviously not, but if they don't start soon, we're not gonna...
What the fuck is this, man?
It's none of your fucking... Why are you so fucking nosy? God.
I'll tell you what it is.
It's some total lez who'll never give you the time of day...
- ...and you're rock hard for her. - Dude.
Jesus.
I bet you just fucking sit here all night jacking off while you watch her sleep.
You shut the fuck up!
Great. This is just fucking perfect.
- We've been best friends for how long? - Just get out of here.
And you're gonna fuck up this gig we've been working on for some chick?
News flash, man.
This girl you're crushing on is never gonna be with you.
You've got a real live dick...
...and that disqualifies you from getting up in there.
Bette.
Leo and I have something very exciting we'd like to share with you. Leo?
We wanted to let you know...
...that Helena Peabody is gonna be joining the CAC Steering Committee.
What?
We're gonna welcome her at our board meeting tomorrow.
I'm sure you can appreciate what a coup it is for the CAC...
...to have a Peabody on our board.
And not to put too fine a point on it...
...but she's bringing Allyn Barnes with her to her first meeting.
Allyn Barnes is coming to our board meeting?
Allyn and Peggy are old friends.
She's known Helena since she was a little girl.
There's a rumour Allyn Barnes has been contemplating a career retrospective.
The Modern's been after her for years.
She's pretty resistant.
Everybody knows Allyn hates the art world...
...but Helena thinks she might be ready.
I asked your department to put together some press clippings of the CAC...
...so we can present it tomorrow.
Well, I'd like to go over those materials.
You know, this is Leo's strength, Bette. Why don't we just let him do his thing.
We'll see you tomorrow at 6. Come on, Leo.
- This is more like it. - Do you think?
Bette saw this house in Architectural Digest.
She said it was the quintessential California beach house.
Did she, now?
There are eight bedrooms altogether, not including the guesthouse...
...and there's a nanny's quarters down below.
What, Walter?
Please just tell me what you have to tell me, no digressions.
Amazing view.
No, no, Walter, I do not ex...
Walter, what did I charge you with?
Don't tell me things I don't want to hear. That's not what I pay you for.
Do you wanna show me the kitchen?
Walter... No, here's what's happening.
I'm moving to Los Angeles, and I want my children with me...
...so just fucking well make it happen and call me when it's done.
So...
...do we like it?
It's spectacular.
Okay. I'll move in tomorrow.
Okay.
Hi, I'm Winnie Mann. Thanks for seeing me.
Really nice to meet you.
I didn't know that you would be bringing...
Well, I don't have a nanny, so when the kids are with me, they are with me.
- I hope it's not... - Oh, no, no, it's fine. it's great.
Do you remember me? We met in New York.
Don't take it personally. It takes more than one meeting.
- Wilson, wait... - Oh, sweetie, sweetie, no, no, no.
See, this is a Richard Prince...
...and it goes right there.
- Would you guys like to go swimming? - Yeah, that'd be great.
- Yeah, can we? - Well, I don't really swim.
Do you think you might go in with them?
Sure.
In order to mak e the quick batter, we have to use sifted flour.
- And we sifted some flour already. - Okay.
Okay, will you listen to this one?
Okay, so basically I'm gonna get...
...someone from the left, someone from the right...
...someone from the centre, local elected officials...
...and then I'm gonna interview them about trends, okay? So:
"State Attorney General Wachtel...
...have you shopped for your new granddaughter...
...at the new La La Ling baby store in Los Feliz?"
So...
So I'm trying to get at the intersection between culture and politics.
I don't know.
Al, it's good. It's just... it's not funny.
It's not supposed to be funny. Hello? Have you listened to KCRW?
Yeah, but didn't Mimi ask you personally to try out for this?
- So? - So she must want you to be you.
No, I'm not gonna be a "funny" person on the radio.
I don't know why everybody thinks I'm so funny.
Because you are.
Alice, you're a funny lady...
...and it's one of the things I love about you, and I'm not the only one.
I don't like you very much right now.
It makes me so hot when you're angry.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.
You're totally topping me again.
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you through the feathers, pillow queen.
- Have you always been a top? - I'm not a top.
Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are.
- You know what I want you to do? - What?
I want you to fuck me really hard with a strap-on.
I don't know if I can do that.
But you're doing it right now without even using one.
- Okay. - Yeah?
Twist my arm.
You know, Bette, I know you don't know me...
...but I'm taking a wild shot that maybe we have some interests in common.
What are you asking me to do?
I'd like you to be a character witness against you-know-who.
I know she's coming on to your board of directors.
Yeah, she's everywhere. I can't seem to get away from her.
That's how she deals. She colonizes.
She fucking plunders and pillages, that's...
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was bad.
Bette, we've got a court hearing in six weeks.
- You want me to appear in court? - Yes.
Jesus, Winnie. I'm really gonna have to think about it.
It's not just that she's on my board of directors, but there's Tina, there's...
Yeah, I understand if you don't want to.
No, it's not that I don't want to.
I would love nothing more than to stand up in court...
...and say what I think of...
...you-know-who.
- You wanna play again? - Yeah.
Okay. One, two, three.
I just saw you out there, and it...
I don't know, it looked like you were hiding.
I'm not hiding.
I don't believe you.
Oh, my God.
Shane, who did this? Who did this to you?
- It doesn't matter. - No, tell me. I will fucking kill them.
- Who did this to you? - You did it.
What?
Fuck you.
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Look, I'm sorry. That was a fucked-up thing to say.
Maybe you meant something by it. Maybe we should just talk...
No.
Can we...?
Can we just forget what I said?
Let's go back to being friends.
Is that what you want?
Really, a lot.
I'm so angry I can barely control myself.
But I know the more I act like that, the more this person can F me up.
But there I am, screaming like a crazy B-l-T-C-H.
- That's gotta be hell. - Yeah, she made my life a living hell.
- What were you doing with her, Winnie? - ls that so hard to understand?
Look at Tina.
You two were separated when she met?
Yeah. Yeah, and now she has her completely enthralled.
Yeah. My first play had just debuted at P.S. 122.
The Voice gave it a rave...
...and this person shows up and underwrites the entire run of the show.
Next thing you know, I've got my own theatre company.
I'm living in a 5-million-dollar loft in Tribeca...
- And starting a family. - Yeah.
H had never even thought about kids...
...but it was a dream of mine...
...and she's in the business of making people's dreams come true...
...until she co-opts them and makes them her own.
Mommy, I finished my chicken nuggets. Can I have some ice cream?
- I think I have some, if it's okay. - Did you finish your salad?
- Yes. - Alrighty.
Then you get the big prize.
- Can I give you some advice about her? - I could sure use some.
It drives her crazy when you don't react...
...so she'll bait and bait and bait, and if you just don't take it...
We're done for now.
We'd be clear to Bark er Pass by now...
...if you hadn't brought that preacher's daughter.
- Ladies. - Oh, hello, Mark.
Excuse me. ls that how you greet your roommate?
- What are we watching? - A Burr Connor film festival.
Yes, Ms. Jenny over here is going to ghostwrite his memoirs.
I'm gonna be his stenographer.
- No way. - Yep.
I had a Burr Connor action-figure doll as a child.
- You did? - I did.
I made him beat up my G.l. Joe daily.
- Are you serious? - Totally.
You actually thought that this guy, Burr Connor, is more...
- ls tougher than G.l. Joe? - Look at him. Way tougher.
This is sentimental claptrap.
How could you possibly call these macho men "sentimental"?
Because it's a pretext for telling stories...
...about, like, the purity of male friendship and devotion.
I mean, Mark, okay, look at all these films.
- They're all fucking the same. - Chick flicks are the same.
Okay, you know what? Don't tell that theory to Burr Connor.
- Kiss now. - Thelma & Louise.
No more.
Where's Shane, by the way?
I think she went out.
- Where? - I don't know.
- To a club? - We don't know, Mark.
- Yeah. - Sixteen Candles.
Duk es of Hazzard.
Gone with the Wind. Funny Girl.
Bless me, father, for I have sinned.
It's been...
...16 years...
...since my last confession.
And what brought you here tonight?
Everyone wants something from me...
...and I don't feel like I have anything left to give.
What have you been giving up until now?
Sex.
That's mainly what people want.
Actually...
...l don't even know at this point. I don't...
I don't know.
Do you feel you have to have sex with everyone who wants it?
In church, I didn't.
I used to live in a church shelter, so...
- When was that? - I guess I was 10.
And I ran away from my foster family...
...because someone told me my real mom was back in Austin.
And she used to go to that shelter when she was trying to get clean.
Your mother was a drug addict?
Yeah.
Have you ever considered joining a church group?
No.
No, no, no. I don't like groups.
The thing I like about confession is...
...you don't have to see the other person's face...
...and you don't have to see how...
How hurt they are when they realize that...
...you can't be that thing they want you to be.
You might find there are people who don't want anything from you.
- Yeah. - They just want to know you.
Yeah, I haven't met anyone like that.
Anyway, there's nothing to know.
My friend, would you just consider it?
- Oh, thank you. - Sure.
- Alice. - What?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I thought that would go away.
You knew you did this to me?
Well, I wasn't doing it on purpose. You bruise easy.
I'm not the only one.
Oh, my God.
I look like I've been beaten. I have my interview today.
- It's radio. - I have to make an impression.
And I don't? You're right.
I have a photo shoot with Women's Fitness today.
I'm the first out lesbian they've ever put on the cover, but...
Well, you'll just be saying you can be gay and a slut.
- Is there any more? - Yeah.
Where?
Oh, really? Yeah.
- Hi. - Hey, hey.
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
My God, I haven't seen you.
I haven't seen you guys in a couple days.
What have you been doing?
- Working. - Training.
They've been having sex all weekend.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Hi, everyone. - Hi.
Why don't you two come join us.
Okay.
Thank you.
That's nice.
Hi. Hello.
So...
...Tina was just saying that Dana and Alice are having sex.
I don't know...
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
They'd be in good company.
Yeah, we haven't, though.
I mean, I've been busy, and she's been busy.
Working.
- Oh, yeah, let me see. - No, I...
- Busy. - Okay, okay, let's see.
- No. - Working?
- Oh, my goodness. - Working it. Working it.
- Let her see. Let her see. - Okay, okay.
- Open it up. - All right, I have...
Oh, my God.
I have my KCRW audition, and I kind of don't know what to do, so I was...
Well, you know, why don't you take this.
Because passion should never cost you respect.
No, that... Helena, I couldn't accept this.
- It's Hermès. - It's vintage.
And for having such a good eye, you get to keep it.
You know, I think I'd better be getting to work.
Well, that's a shame. Why don't you take the morning off?
Because it's not really an option for me.
Of course it is. You're having breakfast with a board member...
...and we're gonna discuss what to talk about with Allyn Barnes.
You've gotta be kidding.
Helena has just joined the board of directors for the CAC.
I'll see you at the meeting.
Well, Bette, why don't you come over later tonight after the meeting.
Tina and I have found a house.
Oh, no, Helena has found a house.
Well, you know what? Why don't you all come over tonight.
- We'll have a housewarming party. - Yeah.
You should see this house. It's on Broad Beach.
The one in Architectural Digest. It's gorgeous.
Of course it is.
You know, that sounds really nice, Helena.
Maybe if I'm not too tired.
Good.
- Bye, Bette. - Bye.
- See you later. - Bye. Good luck.
Okay, thanks.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Did I do something to offend you? - No.
Look, you saved my ass...
...and I'm sorry if I didn't thank you adequately.
So thank you.
Do you know anything about the samurai code? Ronin?
Is that one of those Hong Kong action flicks?
No, it's a book, actually.
I was really into that shit when I was like 13 and 14.
Got my first-degree black belt in Shotokan.
- Lucky for me, huh? - Yeah.
Well, according to the samurai code...
...if you save someone's ass, you're forever indebted to that person.
You're... it's the greatest honour and privilege you can ever achieve.
Look, I said thank you. I don't know what else you want me to do.
Not you, me.
I'm indebted to you for giving me that opportunity.
No, so it's like, basically, I'm your servant now.
No, thank you.
It's just the way it's gotta be.
You're stuck with me.
Sit, please.
Allow me.
Will you be having a beverage, my lord?
No.
- Hello? - Hi.
This is Jenny Schecter for Mr. Burr Connor, please.
- Yes, Ms. Schecter, come on in. - Thank you.
It's a hard feeling to describe...
...but I think that I've known for a really long time...
...and I fought against it because I knew my family wouldn't approve.
But I actually think that I've always known.
- Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. - Yeah?
From the time I was a small boy...
...l always knew I wanted to be an actor.
How cool.
So, like, what kind of writers would you say you model yourself after?
Judith Krantz? Danielle Steel? Like that?
- You're kidding. - No, seriously. Let me guess. Can I?
Looking at you, having spent a few minutes with you...
I'm good at this.
Mary Gaitskill.
Thank you. I don't know.
Charlotte's pushing me really hard right now...
...so my style's just evolving pretty fast.
Well, I won't be pushing you, okay?
I basically just need you to correct my grammar...
...and add an adjective or two here or there.
Okay, have you...? Have you ever written anything before?
No, not really. I've been tape-recording myself.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, okay. Just wait...
- I have this. - No.
- You can put that away. - Okay, I'll put it away.
Can I... Can I just use my notebook?
No, go ahead.
Okay, I have a couple of questions for you, to begin.
Rod Sebring.
It appears as though you have a very profound connection with him.
Yeah.
- Well, we did three pictures together. - Yeah.
The scene in Hard Man to Know...
...where you carry Mr. Sebring across Texas after he's been shot...
...it's beautiful and quite romantic.
- You like that movie? - I loved it.
I really... l thought it was, like... l loved it.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You don't seem like the type. - Oh, my God, I've seen all of your films.
- I'm sure you have, yeah. - Yeah.
- In the last two days, right? - Yes, but...
Okay, but... But my girlfriend actually has seen all your films.
- Your girlfriend? - Yeah.
When she was a little kid, she and her stepdad used to go to all your films...
...and now she can recite all your dialogue.
So she's a tomboy?
Gosh, I've never thought of her like that.
I think she's just beautiful.
Well, Ms. Schecter, thank you so much for coming on over.
I'll be in touch with you to let you know if I'll be needing your help.
- Oh, okay. - Okay.
Are you firing me...
...because I'm gay?
Well, I wasn't aware that I'd actually hired you...
...but I do prefer not to have certain things flaunted in my face.
My big catch-phrase ending could be:
"Go ask Alice, because she knows what's going on."
No, that's good. That's good.
Look, I'm gonna go talk to my new chef.
- What? - Yeah.
You hired a new chef? That's so cool.
Girl, I stole her from A.O.C. She was training under Suzanne Goin.
Maybe I should write about that. It's gotta be better than what I have.
No, no. No, yours is really good, Alice.
I mean, you've just gotta relax and breathe.
- Benjamin, right? - You bet.
- Okay? - Yeah.
This is Alice Pieszecki reminding you to relax and breathe.
Relax and breathe.
Reminding you to relax and breathe.
- Alice. - Gabby.
I thought you'd have a more interesting demise...
...than muttering to yourself at the Planet.
- Yeah, wow. - Give me a hug.
- Okay. Hi. - Hi.
- You look good. - Thanks. What's wrong with you?
Nothing, except that I'm in love. Yeah.
Gabby Deveaux, in love.
How are you? What's going on with you?
I'm in love too.
Yeah. You can't tell?
Maybe I'm not showing it or some... I'm very private, so...
Alice "Tell Me Your Secrets And I'll Sell Them to the Daily Planet" Pieszecki?
So who is the lucky lady?
- She... You don't know her. - I pretty much know everybody.
Well, do I know your new paramour?
She's... Oh, here she is.
- Right there. - Lara?
- Hey, Alice. - I guess you do. Hey, baby.
- Did she like your recipes? - " Dishes." We don't call them " recipes."
- So, Alice, how's Dana? - She's fine.
Yeah, she's great, actually. Great.
Yeah, I'm sure you'll see her around and stuff.
So, cool.
Great to see you guys, the two of you. Yeah, okay.
- Bye. - Yeah, bye.
...powered by RealNetworks.
KCRW, a community service of Santa Monica College.
All this at KCRW. com.
- Alice. - Hi, Mimi.
I'm so happy to see you.
You're not gonna believe what just happened to me.
- What? Are you ready? - Yeah, I am ready.
- Okay. - I am ready.
- Can you say a few words, please? - Yes, I... Yes.
Yeah. Go? ls it good?
Hello?
Hi. Hi, this is Alice Pieszecki.
This is... One, two, is that good?
That's good.
Yeah, so out walks Lara, who's the ex of my current girlfriend...
...and what does she do?
She makes out with my ex.
I mean, if I was gonna draw you a picture of this...
...Alice to Dana, Dana to Lara, Lara to Gabby... Hi. Gross.
...Gabby to Alice.
I'm just totally freaked out about it. I'm sorry. it's like:
I don't know, because...
Well, I have this chart, and it's... it started on the back of a napkin...
...but now it takes up an entire wall in my living room.
But it's about these entanglements, you know?
It's, like, got relationships on it, one-night stands.
It pretty much has anybody who's slept with anybody else.
That, therefore, connects me to Tina, which connects me to Helena...
...who Tina's currently seeing.
And once you get her on the chart, you have Warren Beatty.
Once you have him on the chart, you pretty much have...
...presidential interns. I mean, I am connected to Monica Lewinsky.
It's random. it's... I don't know.
I'm sorry, I'm totally rambling, and I'm... Because I have...
- it's okay, Alice. - I'm sorry.
- I think we've got what we need. - I don't understand.
That's okay. It was great, I promise you.
Since this isn't a regular meeting...
...l won't regale you with details of budget or schedule.
I'll just welcome Helena Peabody and turn it over to Leo.
I think Helena deserves a little more fanfare than that.
Helena, the California Art Center is privileged and highly honoured...
...to welcome you to our board of directors.
And Helena has a very special guest with her tonight.
Helena, please introduce Allyn Barnes.
I really don't think Allyn needs any introduction.
She's quite simply one of the most important living artists of our time.
Oh, nonsense. Stop it.
Nobody outside of the art world even knows my work.
That's an understatement.
Hardly anyone in the art world knows your work.
Of course we do. Everybody remembers Allyn Barnes's Tet Offensive.
Well, that was 1972.
Allyn, how do you propose...
...to show the work you've done since you stopped showing in galleries?
That's 30 years of work never exhibited.
Well, I'm not sure I propose to show it at all.
Allyn doesn't have to worry about that. We'll devote all five galleries.
The CAC will be the Allyn Barnes museum.
Oh, Allyn. Please don't worry. You're in very good hands with Leo.
What about the earthworks in Humboldt County?
A Season In Hell is one of the best pieces of art made in the last 20 years...
...and it was destroyed due to clear-cutting.
Bette, I think you're a little out of step here.
- Allyn and I have discussed... - That's what the piece was about.
Yes, but in a retrospective, it would be a glaring omission.
There has to be some way that we reference that work.
I mean, I feel incredibly privileged to have seen it.
- You saw A Season In Hell? - I wrote my graduate thesis on it.
That was you?
That piece that was published in the Artforum?
It was crude. I think that I'm a better critical writer now.
I was so furious.
You were the first person in 18 years that had penetrated my anonymity.
I had to scale three fences just to get close to it.
- I thought I was gonna get shot at. - You almost were shot at.
But it was the best article that's ever been written about my work.
I mean, you really, really understood what I was going after.
I attended your lecture series the semester you taught at Yale.
- So you studied with Si Stillman? - Oh, my God, he hated me.
Did Si give you that exercise where you had to write about a Vasarely...
...after a story by Borges?
Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius. That was the story I chose.
Reality and perception, labyrinth of time and space.
- Hey. - Hi.
Oh, was it that bad?
I fucked it up massively.
And how did you manage that?
Well, I think...
...that Mr. Connor doesn't like the fact that I'm a lesbian.
- You told him that? - Yeah.
- And how did that happen? - Because it just sort of came out.
And I was... l was talking about you.
You outed me to Burr Connor.
He's a big, creepy homophobe.
Well, don't worry about it. Most men from that generation are.
- Hey. - Hey.
Look, a few of us are gonna go hang out.
You think you might wanna come?
I don't know, I...
Okay.
How about this?
As my servant...
...I'm instructing you to come and hang out...
...because I need the protection.
- All right. - Good answer.
So it's all about things that are connected.
It can be funny, it can be serious, as long as it fits the premise.
I'm so proud of you.
The Chart with Alice Pieszecki, Fridays at 3 on KCRW.
- Good voice. - You like?
- Yeah. - Alice, make out with me.
So, what made you pick The Chart? You had so many other ideas.
I don't know.
Actually, I ran into Gabby Deveaux.
You did?
Yeah, and she was all, " Let's be friends, " you know?
I don't understand what this need to have a deep...
...yet sexless relationship with an ex that treated you shitty...
...and cheated on you, but, hey...
Yeah, I don't necessarily think we should be friends with our exes.
Really?
- You agree, huh? - Yeah, I do.
Well, what if one of your exes just kind of showed up like that?
Well I'm not ready to be friends with Tonya, if that's what you mean.
Right.
What about, I don't know, like, Lara?
Alice, I haven't thought about Lara in a long time.
I don't know.
I guess we could be friends.
Unless you don't want me to.
I'll go get that.
Hello?
Hi, Jenny. it's Dana.
Hold on. Jenny and Carmen aren't going to Helena's.
Really? Where are they going?
Where are you going?
Is this an L.A. thing?
You invite people over, they say they'll come...
...and then they just don't show up?
It is.
I remember being shocked by it when I first moved here.
Now I'm just used to it.
Yeah, well, it's not gonna fly with me.
Well, we'll just have to send formal invitations next time.
I'm not so sure there's gonna be a next time.
I'm not very forgiving when it comes to social transgressions.
Come on. This is nice.
We get to be alone together in your new house...
...and initiate it all by ourselves.
Or am I not enough for you?
You're more than enough for me.
- Oh, my God. - Hi.
What are you doing?
- We thought we'd invite ourselves over. - What about Helena and Tina's?
Oh, no, it's too far. Malibu's such a drive.
- Hey, you. - The curse of the West Side.
- And it is family night. - Family night.
- How are you? - Hi. Good to see you.
- Thanks. I guess I'll order pizza. - Oh, let me.
I feel so privileged being invited to your family night.
- Angeli? ls that...? - Sure.
I think the phone is...
Hey, Mark. Can you get one with, like, ricotta cheese or something.
I think they call it, like, the "Quattro Stagioni."
- What's it called? - The Quattro Stagioni.
Here, grab a glass.
- How'd it go with Burr Connor? - The Burr Connor?
Yeah, Jenny's ghostwriting his memoirs.
Not after today.
That one, and my friend Alice wanted the meat lover's.
- Burr sucks. - Lots of meat.
- Fuck him. - I'm sorry about that.
Thank you.
So, everybody, everybody, congratulate Alice.
- Yes. - Congratulate Alice.
Congratulations.
- Will you guys listen? - To what?
To her show!
- Can you do the radio voice? - No.
Come on. Just do it. Do it.
No, I never wanna hear the radio voice again, please.
Doesn't everyone have, like...?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Do the...
- Cheers. - Drink, Bette?